Marriage is a lot of hard work. More so if you are in an interracial marriage. I am a Filipina born and raised in the Philippines and married to a pure Chinese who was born and raised up in Cambodia. I’m sure you can now imagine the differences in our traditions, value systems as well as the lifestyle we got used to. We’ve been together for almost 8 years already and I would say it helps that we consider these difference not as nuisance but more of the” spice” of our marriage.

I don’t consider myself an authority on marriage or interracial marriage, I just want to impart some things I have over the years of being in one. I’ve realized to have a happy marriage requires a lot of love, patience, commitment, respect, and loads of sense of humor.

1. Don’t say YOU DO IT WRONG..I’ve learned that these puts my hubby on the defensive. And after thinking about it, its actually wrong of me to assume that the my way is the ONLY right way. Now I know better, instead of saying “YOU DO IT WRONG” I’d say , “Ah, YOU DO IT DIFFERENTLY THAN I WOULD DO IT..” Whenever I say it that way, he doesn’t even get offended, he even tells me why he’s doing it that way..

2. Respect each others RELIGION. These is often a very touchy subject. But the main thing that works for this is respect. I am a Roman Catholic and my husband is a Buddhist. We got married in Catholic rites but I never forced him to be baptized as Catholic. We had a mixed marriage which the Church allows. I respect him and his religion. We firmly believe that our religions are neither right or wrong, its simply different. (He goes to church with me and same with me sometime I attend Buddhist rituals..)

3. Fight fairly. Stick to the issue both of you are discussing. Don’t bring back old issues and its never good to put blames. This is so hard to do specially at the height of your emotions. Now if we have problems, we cool our tempers first and discuss it at a later time.

4. Remind yourself always that you want this marriage and your partner. At times, specially on bouts of homesickness when we are living abroad, I sometime lose track and just want to come home and be with my family. It helps a lot if you reaffirm your commitment to your partner and your marriage.

5. Discuss and be open about what you expect from the marriage and your partner. I’m lucky with this because my husband is fully supportive of any decisions about my work and career. He doesn’t expect me to be a housekeeping diva or a five-star chef.. I made it clear from the start that I’m not so great with doing laundry.. It would really remove a lot of burden from you thoughts if the two of you have discussed the roles you play in your marriage.

6. Communicate.. how to accomplish all the rest it depends on how well you’re able to communicate. Learn your partners native language.. I’m still on this stage but definitely trying..

7. I’ve avoided criticizing my in-laws (I’m lucky though, coz they are really nice). Rule Number 1 applies. If they are foreigners they may have different ways of doing things and they have their stereotypes too. Besides, a lot of misunderstanding can arise from speaking different languages.

8. A lot of people may view interracial marriage as strange and criticize you (I’ve gone through this tough stage..) and can be incredibly rude. Ignore them, keep your cool.