I was unsure about posting this on a Monday morning. Ranting is something that I rarely do coz I’m the type of person to easily let things pass, to resolve things diplomatically and I don’t usually get too affected by what is going on. I’m usually cool-tempered but once I’m piqued I can also be an obstinate enemy.
But I figured this is something that I feel strongly about and I might as well get it out so it would more or less free me of stress and bad feelings. You see, I had been a stay-at-home-mom for about six years already. It’s a choice I made, it was not forced on me by my husband, he stands by me because it was a choice I made. If ever I decide to go back and join the rat race again, I’m 100% sure he’d back me up too.
Ever since I started to stay at home and actively take care of my family I have gotten used to comments already from I think well-meaning relatives and friends who can’t help but say.. “Why are just staying home? What about your degree? You’re just wasting it!” or “Why don’t you get a job?” or “You’re putting yourself in the backburner etc”, the variations could actually go on and on..
I even have an aunt who makes it a point to always drop by our house in the Philippines whenever she’s in town just to give me a lecture. I just took things in stride probably because they were used to seeing me always on the go and stressed about a job. And they must have meant well too, it just that I also think they were really being totally insensitive. I’ve also gradually became immune to remarks like this already.
But a few days ago something happened that annoyed me a lot. We were visiting one of Hi-ace relatives who just arrived from France and it was my first time meeting them. They were asking a lot of questions about me and my background till they were inquiring about my current job. Hi-ace explained that I opted to stay at home and work from home. I guess they didn’t take too kindly to that and they asked why I don’t get a proper job, blah blah blah with my English proficiency I could easily get a teaching job, or work in a company and earn a high paying job, blah blah blah.. I just kept quiet but I was already fuming mad and I was thinking, there is no way you can get me to go and do some communications job search just because you think being a SAHM is uncool!! Good thing Hi-ace came to my rescue and told them I am earning well and fine at home and that seems to suit me and besides being able to earn I can also be there for my family’s needs without the added entanglement of an 8-5 job. Talk abut rude rude relatives. Thank God, Hi-ace’s parents and siblings aren’t like that.
I have gotten to the point that I’m so tired of explaining to them why I made this choice and that even if I am a stay-at-home-mom, I can still make money and keep myself. Really it could get annoying that some people are so unaware that being a stay-at-home mom is also a full-time job and sometimes a stressing one at that. Whenever I also mention that I earn online, people usually give me that perplexed, ‘I don’t believe that!’ look. So the best course for me to take was simply ignore and don’t explain. But right now I feel like clearing some things up!
Although Hi-ace is still the breadwinner and majority of the household income is from him, I am still able to contribute something to the coffers. Some people most likely think that I am entirely dependent on my husband for everything, then they probably don’t know me well. I find it laughable that this is a non-issue between me and my husband while some relatives and friends make a big deal out of it!
I wish they would read this blog (I’m not sure about that though since they could only read French!!) but anyway, FYI, I had always been earning on the side even if I am a SAHM. When we were in the Philippines I had my own home-based business. It took super-human effort but I was still glad I could take care of my daughter and help Hi-ace with his research work and also have my own EARNING home business. When we were about to move from Manila to Phnom Penh, I knew it would be hard for me to continue my fashion accessory business so I started blogging and earning from it too. Since 2007 till now, I had been maintaining blogs and earning regularly from it. It’s not much but I don’t have to ask Hi-ace for shopping money, it pays for some of our expenses, I bought some home stuff with it, regularly helped my parents and even financed some of our travels. I don’t earn thousands yet from my blogs, but someday soon I will lol! that’s me being ambitious!
Breathe in, breathe out.. Whew! That felt good.. I can go on with doing my thing now that I finally got that out. Maybe if somebody asks me about this issue again I can just refer them to this post. Whattchathink? Haha! The thing is, I am happy with being a stay-at-home-mom and if you think my education is just being wasted, then you couldn’t be more wrong. It’s simply a matter of being proactive and looking for ways to earn and improve one’s self and that doesn’t necessarily have to take place in an office or a 8-5 job. I’m a proud SAHM, WHAM or whatever you might want to call me, so deal with it!
Hay naku sis, pity are those who are uninformed..Ive got a friend nga din na ganyan ang perception nila kasi from being a corporate slave nag WAHM, nung makitang kumikita thru blogs at odesk…matapos nilang libakin nun ayun nagpapature heheheh….mentalidad talaga nga naman….
@Cielo, there are those talaga na napaka closed minded. Minsan gusto kong patulan at sabihan na, ‘Oi, baka naman kahit nasa bahay lang ako mas malaki pa kinikita ko sayo .” Haha but I do refrain myself most of the time and ignore na lang ang drama..
Eh kung tutuusin sobrang hirap mag WAHM and I can say coz I used to work like mad sa telecoms and sa banking industry and mas mahirap talaga to work by yourself at home.
Sus at least kung sa bahay, I don’t have transportation costs, no office wardrobe costs pwede na pambahay lang haha and best of all I am the master of my time…
.-= Lui´s last blog ..A Little Rant From A Stay-at-Home-Mom =-.
i guess the best thing to do is just ignore them and it won’t hurt if you give these type of people a piece of your mind sometimes. i know a lot of people here who chose and wanted to take care of their family full time setting aside their high paying jobs and even their education. it is a matter of choice, and this choice you made, i believe, is made out of your love for you family.
@Kayni, thanks. I’ve actually learned to just ignore comments and all but minsan talaga grabe naman sila may pagka insensitive and I also give them a piece of my mind pag medyo sobra na..
Hayy, its really hard to change people’s perceptions the important thing lang is im happy with where I am and the decision I made. Thanks again..
I get those kinds of comments as well. The best way is to ignore them, like everybody here had already said. We have a freedom of choice, and it’s a choice we made with the support of our husbands. Pity na lang those who don’t, can’t and won’t understand.
Apir! Hehehe..I have a similar problem. Nakakabanas di ba? Hayaan mo nalang sila. Ako din ganun ginawa.
hi! im new to your blog. i just want to say that i wish im a WAHM. haha! i envy you guys. but the most important thing is to stay happy.
@Z, yep you’re right i tend to ignore barbs like that pero minsan nagkakataon maiinit din ulo ko.. haha im far from being a saint so minsan i get really pissed.. hayy.. buti na lang mga ‘sreisaat’ tayo..
@J, apir nga! nasanay na nga ako at minsan inaanticipate ko na pero yung last week naoffend talaga ako. coz they were talking bout me while I was there and I could ‘get’ what they were trying to say. LOL! Im bracing myself na nga paguwi ko, malamang daming ganyan na naman..
@Shal, yep being a WAHM is really awesome. It is definitely a hard work (in fact more work than before..) but the advantage is that you manage your time so you are able to prioritize what is important.
Be happy too.. Many thanks for dropping by.
Ang mga WAHMs o SAHMs ay… borrowing your hubby’s words – dagdagan ko ng konti… mga Pinay (kick)Ass…. ociation tayo! hahahaha.
@Z, lol! haha pagdating ni Hi-ace kanina tanong kaagad, ‘Oh, how’s the Pinay association meeting?’ In fairness, wala sya comments na malalaki braso natin or malalaki tau haha except magaganda daw tayo..
Ok talaga asawa ko o baka takot lang sya sakin haha..Palibhasa sobrang singkit di nya masyado sigurong nakikita pictures natin hihi..
Some people really don’t understand that being a stay -at-home mom is actually a job—-it’s taking care of your child and running daily household activities is even a double job. If a wife chooses to work , then who’d run the household and take care of the kids? Then she hires a “yaya” or a “helper”—-but there are people like you who prefer to stay at home because you are fulfilled and happy in taking care of your family and your household as a job.
I stay at home now even though we don’t have kids. It was because we were planning to get pregnant. Since we had it through IVF treatments , my husband and I decided that I would stay to keep me well, and healthy for pregnancy and later to be a stay-at-home mom to take care of the child and the household. But the IVF treatments failed so I really have no choice but to go back to work. Right now, jobs are scarce here in America except for the ones in the health industry and computer programming and development. And I decided to go back to schoolp–nursing school to get a job in the health industry.
But if I had children, I would have stayed…